I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
