Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me