I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.