I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here