peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.