Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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