Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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