So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
