I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
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