Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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