Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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