alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
