i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
