So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
