She is in my trunk
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
