lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
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He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
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He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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