i don't like sucking hair
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
