Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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