i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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