I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
