just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
