Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Floor bacon is actually really good
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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