Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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