didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Randomize