You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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