Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(951): View more from California

what ever happened to devon sawa?

(415): View more from California

fuck...who knows?

(951): View more from California

i'm really worried about him.

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(951): what ever happened to devon sawa? (415): fuck...who knows? (951): i'm really worried about him. http://tfl.nu/sfvp

Replies (56) Good night (1339) Bad night (1785)
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(806): View more from Texas

Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother

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(806): Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother http://tfl.nu/jjym

Replies (7) Good night (2902) Bad night (1515)
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(251): View more from Alabama

She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.

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(251): She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy. http://tfl.nu/vond

Replies (15) Good night (6558) Bad night (787)
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(770): View more from Georgia

A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!

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(770): A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES! http://tfl.nu/kktf

Replies (21) Good night (4569) Bad night (1024)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.

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(202): Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again. http://tfl.nu/k4e9

Replies (89) Good night (1547) Bad night (10299)
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(970): View more from Colorado

You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?

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(970): You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you? http://tfl.nu/r91h

Replies (2) Good night (1137) Bad night (2707)
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(406): View more from Montana

Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!

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(406): Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you! http://tfl.nu/h6a1

Replies (2) Good night (1188) Bad night (839)
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(404): View more from Georgia

This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"

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(404): This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome" http://tfl.nu/7ky1

Replies (5) Good night (2863) Bad night (728)
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(719): View more from Colorado

And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.

(607): View more from New York

I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero

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(719): And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot. (607): I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero http://tfl.nu/sawz

Replies (2) Good night (1850) Bad night (500)
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(317): View more from Indiana

I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too

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(317): I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too http://tfl.nu/ini4

Replies (11) Good night (687) Bad night (1435)
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(404): View more from Georgia

The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.

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(404): The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again. http://tfl.nu/6m3f

Replies (5) Good night (687) Bad night (1158)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.

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(202): You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself. http://tfl.nu/1zzq

Replies (11) Good night (687) Bad night (1842)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over

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(423): ...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over http://tfl.nu/31vp

Replies (10) Good night (504) Bad night (979)
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(561): View more from Florida

When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem

(850): View more from Florida

#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder

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(561): When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem (850): #reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder http://tfl.nu/uh6h

Replies (2) Good night (599) Bad night (408)
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(440): View more from Ohio

My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".

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(440): My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted". http://tfl.nu/wdt8

Replies (5) Good night (944) Bad night (317)

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