I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me