I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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