I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
