Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
