so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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