i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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