So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
you made out with another girl for some wings
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
