I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
