Pappa wants mamma naked
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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