This dress was meant to end up on your floor
and you said cock pushups were impossible
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
