It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
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Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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