why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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