Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
