Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
