So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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