I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
