And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i drank out of a bidet.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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