i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
