Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
