i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
