Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
