all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
