two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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