Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
