Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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