Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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