Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
