Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
