The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
