the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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