i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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