Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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