the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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