dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
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no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
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I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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