dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
