i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
