You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize